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Poems by honeybear


FINDING PEACE

The night that we met plays in my mind
I'll never understand why I turned down a dance
You had offered me romance, but I was stupid back then
Now I realize I passed up a wonderful chance

I'd caught your eye from the start that night
And you flirted forever- it seemed
But I was hung up on my part-time love
Not believing you wanted me in my wildest dreams

Our friendship was instantaneous
And our attraction was not far behind
I was shameless at throwing myself at you
You would think I had completely lost my mind

But this fair fling didn't amount to much
Though my heart knew just what it was
You chose her over me, it was true
And no one knows better than I what heartbreak does

So I mourned my broken heart
Though I wished your love had stayed
But things began to change in me
And those feelings began to fade

Our friendship came to a sudden halt
Brief "hellos" were all we could share
But I found someone else to fill that void
It was the beginning of a casual affair

I grew accustomed to him coming and going
My heart knew the love would never be returned
And though I hadn't loved him to begin with
My heart was terribly concerned

For I had wanted a man to love me
But I settled for what I could get
And any chance of him falling in love
Was never quite much of a threat

But soon enough the thrill was gone
One day he left and he didn't come back
But I knew he would return someday
Because he hadn't even thought to pack

Then he came back, expressing his love
Apologizing for my three months alone
I'd been determined to kick him out of my life
But my heart was not made of stone

So he came back into my world
And soon you did the same
You took my offer of a place to stay
So maybe I am partly to blame

>From the moment you showed up at my door
It was obvious and painfully clear
That the feelings we'd shared would be hard to avoid
Now that you were living so close and so near

I had loved you once upon a time
But another woman had your heart
So I moved on with my life
Though it tore my world apart

I never thought it would happen to me
In fact, it almost doesn't seem true
That such a horrible experience
Is the focus of my memories of you

I've had partial success at blocking these memories
But they play through my mind now and then
I tremble inside with an emotional torment
That such a betrayal should ever have been

Ours was to be just friendship, of course
Just roommates and not a thing more
But you came in and kissed me so sweetly
Any thought of denying our feelings went right out the door

I worked the day and you worked at night
Suddenly my mornings were like playing with fire
You'd stumble in drunk and completely aroused
And tempting me to be what you desired

I tried to resist my remaining affections
But feelings so strong are not easily hidden
How I wished to rekindle our old flaming passion
Knowing all the while that our love was forbidden

Your heart was broken and trying to mend
For your sweetheart had pushed you away
And you needed my shoulder and my body as well
I had no idea the price I would pay

"Nothing's going on," you would say with a smile
While your hands roamed over my hips
"This is just between us, no one else has to know,"
As you nuzzled my neck with your lips

Then you'd pull me closer into your arms
Cover me with sweet kisses all over my face
Your hands moved possessively over my body
As I willingly slipped into your embrace

I was baffled by your words and actions
How could I just sit by and agree
That there was nothing going on between us
Knowing full well how badly you wanted me

I began to accept that I was filling "her" place
And adjusted to my new duties within a few days
but it still tormented my heart and my mind
That I knew deep inside I was only a phase

My job was not cooking, or cleaning or such
But a much more demeaning chore
I pampered your manhood when you felt the need
And in doing so, I felt like a whore

That fateful morning you came in drunk
And I could never have easily known
That in the very arms I lingered
There'd be a terrible seed sown

How could I have ever seen
That this affair would go so far
That it would end in such disaster
And leave behind it such a scar

A scar that cracked so easily
Though I still consider you a friend
I realize now it left it's mark
And an open wound that might not mend

The events of that morning are gone
But forgotten they never will be
For that morning in your drunken haze
You took my body and had your way with me

I barely recall all the details
Most of the memories remain greatly blurred
But I do remember my refusals and my begging
Though I know that my pleas went unheard

You came upon me from behind so quickly
I couldn't have fought you off if I'd tried
Because I couldn't even defend myself
So I suffered through it as I cried

I was helpless to do anything to save myself
I was swallowed up by a tidal wave of shock
In dazed confusion I realized
That my mind was beginning to block

For my own protection, I believe
My mind refused to subject me to the pain
Quickly pushing the experience aside
To keep me safe and happy and sane

When you pulled away from me
I stood there in a weakened state
I stared at you with vacant eyes
Feeling nothing at all, no love nor hate

I felt myself departing from Reality and all
Staring at the stranger who had done this evil deed
Who did not care for my mind or soul
But the body that fulfilled his dirty need

And then you passed out on my bed
While I hurried and got ready to leave
All I could think was it wasn't even real
The thought of you raping me was too hard to believe

My day was filled with horrid thoughts
Just what had I become?
Self-loathing settled in my heart
As I became emotionally numb

Soon my psyche blocked it out
And my life went on as it always did
And for a very long time, I had done so well
As long as I kept those memories cleverly hid

But that day has flashed through my mind
Though the scenes are never quite clear
I painfully relive the agony and grief
And experience momentary lapses of fear

A fear that lingers in the darkness
Of a time that no longer exists
Of a love that I had longed for so madly
A love that was not easy to resist

That love brought only the sadness
Of a hurt made of guilt and shame
That will forever haunt me
Every time I hear or speak your name

Now only time will heal this wound
That cannot heal itself at all
I cannot speed this process up
I cannot make that call

These memories are hard to face, indeed
The are the hardest pill to swallow
For I do not want to live my life
Feeling emotionless and hollow

The pain I feel inside my heart
Will always be a part of me
But until I come to terms with this
It will never set me free

It's not that I feel hate for you
Or resent the things you've done
I just wish I could release these pains
That I could change what was begun

I cannot go back and change it
So I have accepted the luck I have had
Only praying that in time, my heart will heal like new
And that my memories of you will not make me so sad

to- stevie d



DETAILS OF YOU

You look into my eyes
And I feel your fingers reach into my chest
And grab my heart
Clinched in a
Stranglehold of
Desire,
Passion,
Fire and
Flame
And the pain incurred
Amounts to Nothing
When compared to
Your touch~
as your hands run all over my body setting me aflame
You eyes~
when you look so deeply into mine to read the imprinted affect you have on my soul
You lips~
as they cover mine and suck the juices of passion from within me
Your body~
with it's strength and power to enclose me and entangle me in this abyss of desire
Your arms~
in a tender-tough embrace encircle my body with no intention of letting go
Your words~
those that speak to my heart as well as those that speak for me without me saying a
word
Your mind~
So like mine the similarities are actually frightening.....
I never believed
That Fate would be so kind
To send someone to me
Someone like you
For with you
I don't have to be
Something
Nor
Someone
I'm not



SHIPWRECKED

Uncertain I'd ever
Fall ashore again
With the wounds
I endured when my
Pleasure-boat sunk
I shipwrecked into you
And found I do not wish
To leave
The Island
Of
Your
Life



WORM

You crawl inside my mind
~What I have left of one~
And invade me
I feel you coursing through
My veins
The throbbing, pulsating
Pains you've endured
Creeps into my system
Making you and I
One
And inside me you find comfort
A release from your pains
And agony
In the blanket of my
Flesh,
And Bone,
And Blood
A warmth you'd forgotten
Or locked away behind
Your wall of Sadness
But deep within me
You find a Heart,
A sledgehammer~
Slowly breaking down you walls
Destroying the chains that
Hold your heart prisoner

You do know
Love
And it's looking
Right into you



CHUZ'S LAUGH

You are the inspiration for my mad-crazed woman poetry

My dear sweet Chuz, where have you gone?
You came to me with Madness
And have left me in the Darkness
Alone with my Delusions....
Had I not chanced upon you face,
I might not have become such
A thing of Insanity~
But I saw your whole countenance
And heard your wickedly dark
And everchanging Laughter
And therefore cannot keep away
These Thoughts and Illusions
~Disappointments~
I go Crazy without you
To calm me and lull me
Rocked in you arms
When faced with a
Reality
I do not wish to acknowledge
"But what is Love?" the ass's jawbone asks
The nights and days eat away
At my heart
Because I think I know
And I want to scream at you~
"IT IS THIS THAT I FEEL FOR YOU!"
But you My Darling Prince~
My Lord of Darkness~
Question it
Constantly
And there it seems~
Is the root of
My Madness....

to kevin



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Biographical sketch: I've been writing poetry for about ten years and
thoroughly enjoy the release it give me.

honeybear recommends:

Get it at amazon.com! Verses That Hurt- Pleasure and Pain from the POEMFONE Poets by Jordan and Amy Trachtenberg
Reason: This collection of poets is outstanding and some that I believe are the best in our time. For me they were an inspiration.

Recommendations for writers:

Let your thoughts and emotions flow out no matter how ridiculous you think they sound and NEVER think that what you have to say isn't important. IT IS.


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